Perforation Problems

Something I'm realizing tonight as I write, here at 3:23 in the morning on a random Tuesday, while Michael sleeps in another city: There's something about 3:23am, something quiet and still that lets your brain work, and you start to see that sometimes what you're writing about ends up not being what you're writing about at all. You've heard people say that before but it's never actually happened to you, until now. And you're still so, so far away from what you're writing being a finished product, and you're still worried people will hate it or hate you for writing it, but you also start to realize it doesn't matter. Right now, in the moments before you get too sleepy to make any more sense, you don't even care about it being published or that anyone ever reads it. That's not even the point. The point is that you're bringing it into being and in the process you're unearthing pieces of yourself that start to make sense. And now ...

Sarah and I are about halfway through our cheese enchiladas at the Mexican restaurant in Fountain Square when I hear someone tapping on the window next to our booth. I am immediately on guard and ready to pretend like I didn't hear it, just like I pretended I didn't hear "Girrrlll, somebody's been eatin' some cornbread" on the street in OTR last week. I keep my gaze focused on Sarah as she talks. Her words slow almost infinitesimally until finally she gives in and looks at the tapper, and I have to give in, too. There, standing at the window is a man maybe in his early 40s, wearing a bright yellow windbreaker and holding the handlebars of a bike. He points at Sarah's food and then at himself, and then makes motions with his fingers like he's putting food in his mouth. Before we even can react, he shakes his head as if exasperated with us and leaves his bike to walk towards the restaurant entrance. "Ah, fuck," I think I only said it in my ...

I just finished day 3 of NaNoWriMo, and it feels good. Great, even. I've got 5, 192 words. None of it is actually something I'd show someone – it needs a lot of revising and filling in the gaps, but it's out there! Revising is for December and beyond. I've been timing myself each time I write, which helps me keep myself relatively focused. So far I've been able to get my 1,667 words done in under 2 hours each day. Not bad, and not that huge of an undertaking, really, when you think about it. Every day has been a bit of a mental struggle, but I think the more I do it, the easier it'll be, just like when I was writing blog posts each day. It's great. I feel really great. So far so good. I think what feels the best is that I'm making it a priority. For the first time in awhile I feel like a writer.