Random Thoughts
Though Michael really couldn't care less about whether or not I diet, he's been trying to support me by thinking up ways to incentivize sticking to my plan. What we came up with (naturally) involves chocolate as reward. Shut up, it works. As long as I've eaten healthy the rest of the day, I get to eat a truffle at night. A little chocolate goes a long way.*
Except I haven't been able to eat a truffle for the last three weeks because I've been out of control. Pizza and cookies everywhere!
Our conversation yesterday:
"Do you get to eat a truffle today?"
"NO."
"Why not?"
"Because YOU took FOREVER to get home and I ATE ALL THE GRAHAM CRACKERS."
It happens. You feel me. It's not my fault.
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There are two best ways to eat ice cream. The first: put a couple scoops in a bowl, then stir it up until it gets soft, mushy, and creamy. Trust me -- it tastes better. We used to call it witches' soup, and the sprinkles were the bones of tiny children murdered for the good of our spell-casting. Naturally.
The second is to eat it right out of the container, starting from the sides where the ice cream is beginning to melt away from the cardboard. That's where it tastes the best.
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Guys, I'm going to tell you a secret. Please don't think I'm full of myself. I just spent 10 minutes reading over old blog posts, and some of them I really love.
Don't get me wrong -- most of them make me cringe, and I want to get in there and edit them. I'm not letting myself. But in some of them, there's a word, a sentence, a turn of phrase, that makes me think, "Oh, did I write that? That's really quite good."
This makes me feel I'm not really a writer, because writers ALWAYS hate ALL of their work.
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Do other people shop online the way I shop?
1) Click through a sale in email
2) Scroll through categories. Open each item you like in a new tab but ignore them until you've gone through every item available.
3) Look at each tab individually. Out of 50 products you look at, choose maybe 4 to put in your cart.
4) Feel really good about what you picked and excited about your new clothes.
5) Look at the category to make sure you didn't miss anything.
6) Go into your cart. Look at each item again. Read all the reviews.
7) Stare at your cart.
8) Imagine yourself in each item. Say, "Will I really wear this? Is it possible I would feel stupid in this piece of clothing?"
9) Say things like, "Do I really want this sweater with $30 worth of wanting, or do I just want it because it used to be $60?"
10) Decide you work hard for your money and can buy a lousy $30 sweater if you want to. People buy $200 sweaters. Screw it.
11) Stare at your purse on the other side of the room, where your credit card sits at the very bottom.
12) Think about getting up.
13) Decide you don't really need new clothes.
14) Leave your cart and never come back, having just wasted 90 minutes on nothing.
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Nothing makes me feel more myself than writing.
*A ginormous face-full of chocolate goes even farther, a fact I spend my life trying to forget.
Except I haven't been able to eat a truffle for the last three weeks because I've been out of control. Pizza and cookies everywhere!
Our conversation yesterday:
"Do you get to eat a truffle today?"
"NO."
"Why not?"
"Because YOU took FOREVER to get home and I ATE ALL THE GRAHAM CRACKERS."
It happens. You feel me. It's not my fault.
--------
There are two best ways to eat ice cream. The first: put a couple scoops in a bowl, then stir it up until it gets soft, mushy, and creamy. Trust me -- it tastes better. We used to call it witches' soup, and the sprinkles were the bones of tiny children murdered for the good of our spell-casting. Naturally.
The second is to eat it right out of the container, starting from the sides where the ice cream is beginning to melt away from the cardboard. That's where it tastes the best.
--------
Guys, I'm going to tell you a secret. Please don't think I'm full of myself. I just spent 10 minutes reading over old blog posts, and some of them I really love.
Don't get me wrong -- most of them make me cringe, and I want to get in there and edit them. I'm not letting myself. But in some of them, there's a word, a sentence, a turn of phrase, that makes me think, "Oh, did I write that? That's really quite good."
This makes me feel I'm not really a writer, because writers ALWAYS hate ALL of their work.
--------
Do other people shop online the way I shop?
1) Click through a sale in email
2) Scroll through categories. Open each item you like in a new tab but ignore them until you've gone through every item available.
3) Look at each tab individually. Out of 50 products you look at, choose maybe 4 to put in your cart.
4) Feel really good about what you picked and excited about your new clothes.
5) Look at the category to make sure you didn't miss anything.
6) Go into your cart. Look at each item again. Read all the reviews.
7) Stare at your cart.
8) Imagine yourself in each item. Say, "Will I really wear this? Is it possible I would feel stupid in this piece of clothing?"
9) Say things like, "Do I really want this sweater with $30 worth of wanting, or do I just want it because it used to be $60?"
10) Decide you work hard for your money and can buy a lousy $30 sweater if you want to. People buy $200 sweaters. Screw it.
11) Stare at your purse on the other side of the room, where your credit card sits at the very bottom.
12) Think about getting up.
13) Decide you don't really need new clothes.
14) Leave your cart and never come back, having just wasted 90 minutes on nothing.
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How can anyone write about anything or make any comment about anything ever without worrying that someone will say, "WHY ARE YOU CONCERNING YOURSELF WITH SUPERFICIAL MATTERS? A GOOD PERSON WOULD BE THINKING ABOUT STARVING CHILDREN. YOU SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT THE POOR CHILDREN WHO CANNOT BUY ANY SWEATERS, YOU SELFISH PERSON!"
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*A ginormous face-full of chocolate goes even farther, a fact I spend my life trying to forget.