Ranting about Sexism
Michael picks up a catalogue from the stack of mail on the kitchen counter and starts laughing. He turns to show it to me.
"I know," I grumble, stepping back to avoid the popping oil from the chicken I'm sauteeing maybe a little too overzealously.
It's the fourth or fifth piece of mail we've gotten from Chevy since I bought my car in October. That would be fine, except they're all addressed to Michael, DESPITE the fact that it's MY car, MY name is the first on the lease, and I'M the one paying for it with MY money. Micheal finds it hilarious because he knows it gets my feminist goat (where did that expression come from??)
Such a small thing to get irritated about, but seriously. It's like the time I posted a picture from one of our vacations, and a (male) friend commented, "Damn. Making me wish I had married Michael."
Excuse me. We go on vacations because of my salary. Not that Michael couldn't manage to go on vacations on his own, but my salary is specifically earmarked for extras like trips on catamarans and flights to Sonoma. We probably wouldn't go if we didn't have two salaries—and anyway I'm not some hanger on who gets spoiled by my husband while I spend my time eating bonbons on the couch (well, I do eat bonbons on the couch, but I'm doing it while on annoying conference calls).
This guy didn't mean anything by it, and it's not that he's particularly sexist. It's not that Chevy is particularly sexist, as far as I know. It's just these little things that happen every day that pile up to make women feel like second class citizens. One by one, they're small. But there are hundreds of them. And no, it's not as bad as it used to be. Women can vote and get credit cards and own houses and get jobs and for the most part choose what they want their lives to be like. Nobody is directly stopping me from doing anything I want to do. But there are still a lot of ways in which life in general is set up to preference men, and we're all complicit in keeping it going.
While I'm ranting about this, here are some other things to get out.
RANTING
I'm rambling. When it comes down to it, none of this really negatively impacts me—I'm an educated, upper middle class white woman who pretty much gets whatever she wants and only faces minor inconveniences due to this shit. If I really wanted to be a corporate executive or something, then this would affect me more. But I mostly just want to play around with websites and write and be a free-spirited artist. So for me it's just complaining. And poor, poor me—I'm complaining that women get presents for weddings and babies. I know.
I have a great husband who would never try to tell me what to do (or at least he understands I have the right to tell him to shut up) and who sees how sometimes things are systematically unfair. But that's not the case for everybody. And these things are out there. That's all I'm saying.
"I know," I grumble, stepping back to avoid the popping oil from the chicken I'm sauteeing maybe a little too overzealously.
It's the fourth or fifth piece of mail we've gotten from Chevy since I bought my car in October. That would be fine, except they're all addressed to Michael, DESPITE the fact that it's MY car, MY name is the first on the lease, and I'M the one paying for it with MY money. Micheal finds it hilarious because he knows it gets my feminist goat (where did that expression come from??)
Such a small thing to get irritated about, but seriously. It's like the time I posted a picture from one of our vacations, and a (male) friend commented, "Damn. Making me wish I had married Michael."
Excuse me. We go on vacations because of my salary. Not that Michael couldn't manage to go on vacations on his own, but my salary is specifically earmarked for extras like trips on catamarans and flights to Sonoma. We probably wouldn't go if we didn't have two salaries—and anyway I'm not some hanger on who gets spoiled by my husband while I spend my time eating bonbons on the couch (well, I do eat bonbons on the couch, but I'm doing it while on annoying conference calls).
This guy didn't mean anything by it, and it's not that he's particularly sexist. It's not that Chevy is particularly sexist, as far as I know. It's just these little things that happen every day that pile up to make women feel like second class citizens. One by one, they're small. But there are hundreds of them. And no, it's not as bad as it used to be. Women can vote and get credit cards and own houses and get jobs and for the most part choose what they want their lives to be like. Nobody is directly stopping me from doing anything I want to do. But there are still a lot of ways in which life in general is set up to preference men, and we're all complicit in keeping it going.
While I'm ranting about this, here are some other things to get out.
RANTING
- Every conference call I've been on with one of my clients has always been dominated by men, no matter what department it's with. If there's a woman on the call, like there was today, she's quiet unless asked to complete a task or provide some data or take FUCKING NOTES. I get obstinate on these calls and make myself loud just because I'm a contractor and won't have to deal with the consequences later when it's review or bonus time. Because you do have to deal with the consequences if you speak up when a man is in charge.
And I'm not saying women are inherently better leaders and men are inherently worse—that's not true. I've had some great bosses who are men. But the typical male style of leadership is different than the female style of leadership. In my experience, men motivate using competition and accountability. You'd better meet your goals, or you're going to be in trouble. I'll yell at you and then fire you and give someone else your job. Women motivate using camaraderie and collaborative purpose. We all need to work together to meet our goals as an organization. If you don't meet your goals, you're in trouble, but you've probably already talked to me and we've figured out where things went wrong and how we can fix it.
Maybe that's putting it too simplistically, but this is just a rant, not a thesis paper.
- Having been a part of the hiring process and review process for several companies, I've noticed a pattern where when women try to negotiate their salary, they're being greedy. If men do, they're being smart.
- During the hiring process for an important marketing position at one of my old jobs, my old boss chose a 30 year old man with very little relevant experience over a 40 year old woman with lots of experience and a PhD in marketing because he thought the male candidate would be better at numbers and driving revenue. There was no proof of this, just his assumptions. When I expressed my concerns, he said she was "too creative" to be good at numbers.
- Why do we have to have both "ma'am" and "miss" as ways to refer to women? "Miss" makes you feel young, girlish, inexperienced. "Ma'am" makes you feel old, stern, unappealing sexually. So both serve to put you in a specific position. We don't go around calling guys, "Old man." "Here's your iced tea, Old Man." "Here's your bagel, young boy." There's a good chapter about this in Jessi Klein's You'll Grow Out of It.
- TAXES ON TAMPONS.
- The fact that every Thanksgiving I end up in the kitchen while my brothers watch TV.
- Female-only baby showers and wedding showers. Cause only the mom is going to change diapers or need anything for the baby—it's her responsibility—and we all know only women get excited about new things for their future home.
I'm rambling. When it comes down to it, none of this really negatively impacts me—I'm an educated, upper middle class white woman who pretty much gets whatever she wants and only faces minor inconveniences due to this shit. If I really wanted to be a corporate executive or something, then this would affect me more. But I mostly just want to play around with websites and write and be a free-spirited artist. So for me it's just complaining. And poor, poor me—I'm complaining that women get presents for weddings and babies. I know.
I have a great husband who would never try to tell me what to do (or at least he understands I have the right to tell him to shut up) and who sees how sometimes things are systematically unfair. But that's not the case for everybody. And these things are out there. That's all I'm saying.