The Ballad of Love & Hate
There's a song by the Avett Brothers called The Ballad of Love & Hate. I love it, but I think I also hate it. And the more I listen to it, the more I'm certain I should hate it.
What I love: It's poetic and full of all those poetry terms I used to teach my English students. In fact, it's one big giant metaphor, where Love and Hate are in a complicated relationship and Love makes everything better. Listen to these lines:
"Love sings a a song as she sails through the sky."
"Hate sites alone on the hood of his car
Without much regard to the moon or the stars
Lazily killing the last of a jar
Of the strongest stuff you can drink"
Alliteration! Personification! Imagery!
It's also one of those songs that's a perfect puddle of acoustic mellowness. It makes you want to sing it while looking out a window at rain drops or while waltzing around your kitchen in a flowy dress. No? Is that just me?
But here's the thing—this song is basically about an abusive relationship. The premise of the song is that Love has been away on a vacation by the sea. She's excited to come home and see her boyfriend, Hate, but when she sends him a letter saying she's on her way, he's a dick about it and throws her letter away:
"No one here cares if you go or you stay.
I barely even noticed that you were away.
I'll see you or I won't, whatever."
God forbid she enjoy herself without him. So she starts on her way home, and meanwhile he throws a temper tantrum reminiscent of a teenage boy. He's out walking the streets at night playing the big badass, hanging out with drifters, being emo, and driving his car recklessly. He's got a big chip on his shoulder.
"Hate keeps his head up and walks through these streets
Every stranger and drifter he greets
And shakes hands with every loner he meets
With a serious look on his face."
Love writes a letter and sends it to Hate
"My vacation's ending, I'm coming home late
The weather was fine and the ocean was great
And I can't wait to see you again"
Hate reads the letter and throws it away
"No one here cares if you go or you stay
I barely even noticed that you were away
I'll see you or I won't, whatever"
Love sings a song as she sails through the sky
The water looks bluer through her pretty eyes
And everyone knows it whenever she flies
And also when she comes down
Hate keeps his head up and walks through these streets
Every stranger and drifter he greets
And shakes hands with every loner he meets
With a serious look on his face
Love arrives safely with suitcase in tow
Carrying with her the good things we know
A reason to live and a reason to grow
To trust and to hold and to care
Hate sits alone on the hood of his car
Without much regard to the moon or the stars
Lazily killing the last of a jar
Of the strongest stuff you can drink
Love takes a taxi, a young man drives
As soon he sees her hope fills his eyes
But tears follow after at the end of the ride
Because he might never see her again
Hate gets home lucky to still be alive
He screams over the sidewalk and into the drive
The clock in the kitchen says 2:55
And the clock in the kitchen is slow
Love has been waiting patient and kind
Just wanting a phone call or some kind of sign
That the one that she cares for who's out of his mind
Will make it back safe to her arms
Hate stumbles forward and leans in the door
Weary head hung down, eyes to the floor
He says, "Love, I'm sorry, " and she says, "What for?
I'm yours and that's it, whatever
I should not have been gone for so long
I'm yours and that's it, forever
Your mine and that's it, forever"
What I love: It's poetic and full of all those poetry terms I used to teach my English students. In fact, it's one big giant metaphor, where Love and Hate are in a complicated relationship and Love makes everything better. Listen to these lines:
"Love sings a a song as she sails through the sky."
"Hate sites alone on the hood of his car
Without much regard to the moon or the stars
Lazily killing the last of a jar
Of the strongest stuff you can drink"
Alliteration! Personification! Imagery!
It's also one of those songs that's a perfect puddle of acoustic mellowness. It makes you want to sing it while looking out a window at rain drops or while waltzing around your kitchen in a flowy dress. No? Is that just me?
But here's the thing—this song is basically about an abusive relationship. The premise of the song is that Love has been away on a vacation by the sea. She's excited to come home and see her boyfriend, Hate, but when she sends him a letter saying she's on her way, he's a dick about it and throws her letter away:
"No one here cares if you go or you stay.
I barely even noticed that you were away.
I'll see you or I won't, whatever."
God forbid she enjoy herself without him. So she starts on her way home, and meanwhile he throws a temper tantrum reminiscent of a teenage boy. He's out walking the streets at night playing the big badass, hanging out with drifters, being emo, and driving his car recklessly. He's got a big chip on his shoulder.
"Hate keeps his head up and walks through these streets
Every stranger and drifter he greets
And shakes hands with every loner he meets
With a serious look on his face."
Just chill out, Hate. Get over yourself.
Love is characterized as this angelic, beautiful creature who has a calming and magical effect on men. She takes a taxi home from the airport and enchants the taxi driver, who cries when he realizes he might never see her again. She carries with her all "the good things we know":
"a reason to live and a reason to grow
to trust, to hold, to care."
Yes, yes, I get it—love changes us. It's all the best things in the world. But Love is also a woman in this song, and that's a lot of responsibility for one woman. She's not allowed to be human. Her purpose seems to be to calm down and bring happiness to the beast that is Man—in the sense of the human male, not in the sense of mankind.
"a reason to live and a reason to grow
to trust, to hold, to care."
Yes, yes, I get it—love changes us. It's all the best things in the world. But Love is also a woman in this song, and that's a lot of responsibility for one woman. She's not allowed to be human. Her purpose seems to be to calm down and bring happiness to the beast that is Man—in the sense of the human male, not in the sense of mankind.
Love finally gets home, and she finds an empty house. She sits there and waits, "patient and kind," until the wee hours of the morning, "just wanting a phone call or some kind of sign / that the one that she cares for who's out of his mind / will make it back safe to her arms." But when Hate finally stumbles in and starts to apologize (presumably because her angelic presence has made him softer, kinder, and a better human being), instead of letting him apologize because he's been a jerk, she takes on all the blame herself.
He says, "Love, I'm sorry, " and she says, "What for?
I'm yours and that's it, whatever
I should not have been gone for so long
I'm yours and that's it, forever
Your mine and that's it, forever"
So her leaving him by himself was justification for him to be mean to her, to go out and engage in destructive behavior, to worry her and put her through the anxiety of thinking something has happened to someone you love. She's not allowed to do things for herself or relax or have fun—she has to be there when her guy needs her, because he's too big of a baby to take care of himself. It reminds me of a woman who's been beaten by her husband but who thinks, "oh, I shouldn't have made him mad." Love belongs to Hate forever, no matter how badly he treats her. That doesn't seem like a good lesson.
I'm yours and that's it, whatever
I should not have been gone for so long
I'm yours and that's it, forever
Your mine and that's it, forever"
So her leaving him by himself was justification for him to be mean to her, to go out and engage in destructive behavior, to worry her and put her through the anxiety of thinking something has happened to someone you love. She's not allowed to do things for herself or relax or have fun—she has to be there when her guy needs her, because he's too big of a baby to take care of himself. It reminds me of a woman who's been beaten by her husband but who thinks, "oh, I shouldn't have made him mad." Love belongs to Hate forever, no matter how badly he treats her. That doesn't seem like a good lesson.
So I can't really enjoy this song anymore. It makes me mad. But then I guess it begs the question, "Does art need to teach a good lesson?" Does art need to reflect something perfect? Of course not. Maybe it's just a reflection of one aspect of life, one way things can go.
Here are the full lyrics:
"My vacation's ending, I'm coming home late
The weather was fine and the ocean was great
And I can't wait to see you again"
Hate reads the letter and throws it away
"No one here cares if you go or you stay
I barely even noticed that you were away
I'll see you or I won't, whatever"
Love sings a song as she sails through the sky
The water looks bluer through her pretty eyes
And everyone knows it whenever she flies
And also when she comes down
Hate keeps his head up and walks through these streets
Every stranger and drifter he greets
And shakes hands with every loner he meets
With a serious look on his face
Love arrives safely with suitcase in tow
Carrying with her the good things we know
A reason to live and a reason to grow
To trust and to hold and to care
Hate sits alone on the hood of his car
Without much regard to the moon or the stars
Lazily killing the last of a jar
Of the strongest stuff you can drink
Love takes a taxi, a young man drives
As soon he sees her hope fills his eyes
But tears follow after at the end of the ride
Because he might never see her again
Hate gets home lucky to still be alive
He screams over the sidewalk and into the drive
The clock in the kitchen says 2:55
And the clock in the kitchen is slow
Love has been waiting patient and kind
Just wanting a phone call or some kind of sign
That the one that she cares for who's out of his mind
Will make it back safe to her arms
Hate stumbles forward and leans in the door
Weary head hung down, eyes to the floor
He says, "Love, I'm sorry, " and she says, "What for?
I'm yours and that's it, whatever
I should not have been gone for so long
I'm yours and that's it, forever
Your mine and that's it, forever"