Poems from the Interim: I Love Tootsie Rolls

I love Tootsie Rolls
I can’t get enough of them
The way the wrapper twists open
To reveal that perfect, chewy log
Of chocolate chewiness

(The chocolate flavor that,
Let’s admit it,
Isn’t really chocolate
But something else entirely -
Chewy chocolate, sugary chocolate,
Tootsie Roll chocolate, who even knows?)

I hold it between my back teeth

Nestled against my cheek

And the side of my tongue

And I chew until the chocolatenotchocolate

Coats my mouth

And I have to work to get it off my teeth

A tangible, sticky comfort

“Those are gross,”

Other people tell me

But I could eat them over

And over, nonstop

My grandma used to have a bowl

Of Tootsie Rolls at the lakehouse

And more in her 

Giant, cavernous purse

Or in the console of her car,

Or in a jar under her television

(For my great-grandma it was
Hershey kisses

Tucked away in the cabinet)

When Grandma died I remember

Writing thank you cards for funeral 

flowers at her kitchen table 

While Grandpa asked— 

Mournfully, frantically—

“What are we going to do with all of her clothes?”

I looked at the almost-empty jar

Of Tootsie Rolls under her TV set 

And thought,

“We shouldn’t let that empty. 

I should buy some Tootsie Rolls and fill it up,

So it doesn’t ever get empty.” 

I didn’t. 

And now when I visit Grandpa

The Tootsie Roll jar is just an empty jar. 

But today in the middle of the afternoon

Tired of answering emails

And worrying about deadlines

I went to the drawer in my kitchen

Full of chocolate bars, and truffles, 

And chewy, sticky logs of 

chocolatenotchocolate goodness.