Perforation Problems

It was a bad idea to let myself stop my writing challenge after 60 days. I wrote the very first day after post 60, but I haven't written since, besides the one post driven by my poison ivy agony. Well, that's not true. I have written, but it's all unfinished. Incomplete. Not-even-formed. When I opened up my blog today, I had four unfinished drafts in there from the last two months or so. Here's the first sentence of each: "Let's talk for a minute about the blissful, perfect sensation in scratching an itch." "It's amazing how quickly you get out of the habit of writing." "Is everyone around me really stupid or am I full of myself? Both?" "Today was one of those days where I literally went from meeting to meeting to meeting, all day, from 8:30 - 6:00." All of these would have been serious works of literary genius -- I'm absolutely sure. But I guess my slacking off in this area is to be expected. I've replaced ...

I caught poison ivy last Sunday while clearing out a grassy area in our yard. I had a grand vision of a beautiful, brightly colored wildflower area that would magically take care of itself. That vision went so horribly wrong. It didn't even occur to me that there might be poison ivy in the yard. Come to think of it, I've never even really thought about poison ivy, period. Well, friend, let me tell you -- I've thought about it a lot in the last four days. I have a wealth of knowledge about poison ivy now. For example: did you know that urushiol, the oil in poison ivy that causes these giant red welts that are currently all over my body, is basically an indestructible, immortal, vicious substance that lives forever? I know "immortal" and "lives forever" are synonyms but I really wanted to drive my point home there. You can kill poison ivy by smothering it for a year, but if you take the cover off and touch the dead plant, you'll still get a rash. You...

(Day Sixty) "How's your blog post going? Is it awesome?" I've heard this question over and over again from Michael over the course of this 60 Day Challenge. As I got closer to this, the last post of the challenge, the question turned into, "What are you going to write for your last one? It has to be something special, right?" I hate these questions. I've told him so. I hate them almost as much as I hate being asked if I'm excited about something. These questions ooze with expectations. Is your blog post going to be awesome? No, it's not. It's going to be the most boring post ever. I'm going to write about how Clyde smells . Are you going to write about something special? No. There's nothing special. I'm going to write about every day shit, like how Clyde smells, and it's going to be boring. Are you excited about _____? No. Stop expecting me to be excited. Life is boring. Of course life isn't boring. All my ...

(Day Fifty-Nine) When we were in middle school, my best friend used to get what she called "orange fever." It seemed to be brought on by cheez-its, cheese puffs, and carrots. Orange foods. She'd go into some kind of hyper, drunken state where everything was funny and everything was the most exciting thing that could possibly happen. I have a picture of her in my mind: framed by the refrigerator door, a bag of baby carrots in her hand and a gleeful grin on her face, she's frozen as her 11-year old self, bobbed hair, oversized features and all. I remember laughing hysterically at whatever she was saying. Life was hilarious. We probably went outside after and ate cookie dough while jumping on the trampoline, because that's how we spent our time. My best friends have always loved food like I do. Do you remember that hyper feeling that was only possible as a child? It must have been some mix of sugar and hormones and your brain being unable to contain your emotio...

(Day Fifty-Eight) My poor dog is starving. I commiserate with him because I, too, often feel like I'm starving. And yet I believe him when he says he's more hungry than I am, because I sneak chocolate all the time. He has no access to food to sneak. Seriously, though, he's pretty hungry. This diet is rough on him. He just leapt up on the couch so he could stare at the closed goldfish carton on the table. Today I left work early to go meet with a contractor about our attic, then I had about 10 minutes to eat some Chikfila before my photography class. As I was sitting there, I realized it's been awhile since I've gone somewhere and eaten by myself. I kinda really like it. Is that weird? There's something calming about sitting down by yourself with all that noise and conversation around you and yet knowing you don't have to say one word to anyone. I don't want to do it every day, but every once in awhile is great. And then in my class we learned som...

(Day Fifty-Seven) Michael is pretty good at helping me come up with blog post topics. I'd say I end up taking his suggestions 8/10 times, even when it's something kinda silly like writing about a conversation we had about  shortbread cookies . Today when I started whining about not having a topic, he suggested I write about the sermon from Easter Sunday service this morning. Neither of us are big on going to church or organized religion or anything like that, and on the twice-yearly occasions where I do find myself in church,  I usually end up daydreaming through most the service. But this morning I found myself actually listening, and what's more, appreciating and agreeing with what Larry was saying. I've always liked my mom's church for its liberal bent. When I went through Confirmation, for example, I was required to attend other religious services in other faiths to explore what others believed, and one of my assignments was to write an essay on what I be...

(Day Fifty-Six) So I REALLY almost forgot my post tonight. I've been sitting here like a goomba gluing yarn to a wooden letter and watching TV, thinking I can go to bed in a minute. I have to get up in 6 hours so I can go to church for Easter Sunday. So I'm not going to write a lot. That means it's list time, guys. I'm going to take a cue from a couple people at work who are doing a 100 Days of Happiness challenge. For 100 days, they have to take a picture of something that makes them happy. I won't list 100, but I can list 10. Sunny Saturdays with the windows open and a warm breeze Doggy cuddles Multi-colored roses That relieved feeling when you blow your nose and get all the snot out M&Ms and Goldfish Going to bed when you're really sleepy Foot rubs Packages coming in the mail Knowing what you're going to wear tomorrow so you don't have to figure it out int he morning Vacuumed floors and clean kitchen counters