Discipline
If left to my own devices I stay up too late. I don't do the dishes, I don't put food away. I leave pairs of my shoes all over the house, in the middle of the hallway, next to the coffee table, by the back door. Why do I wear so many different pairs of shoes?
On Tuesday night I tried to clean up, thinking it'd be a productive way to get my 10,000 steps for the day. But by Wednesday night it was messy again, so what's the point?
I've gotten a lot done this week, both for clients and for myself (cleaning the printer heads on the O&C printer, picking up a card order, buying supplies for camping this weekend, laundry, going to yoga class, putting away all the clothes that were piled on the guest room bed, cleaning the guest bathroom for Clyde's dog sitter), but now on a Thursday afternoon it doesn't feel like enough. Productivity when you work for yourself is a tricky thing. When you go to an office, you end up feeling like you're doing your job just by showing up. You might spend the day in meetings that go nowhere, you might waste an hour talking about your weekend with your coworker, but it doesn't matter, cause you were there, and you got your paycheck.
When you're working for yourself, it's only the finished product that matters. I want to cross these consulting projects off my list, but they're big, complicated things, and they just aren't going to happen quickly. But you can't charge until they're done. I wanted to be in a place where I could relax this Memorial Day weekend while we're camping, but I'm not sure it's going to happen, what with Clyde with a new dog sitter and four big consulting things happening next week. I like to think I'm good at multi-tasking, good at handling stress, good at managing different projects – and I'm am – but sometimes you just get tired. Do I sound like I'm complaining too much? I really am pretty happy with my life, minus the fact that I never feel like I'm living up to my own potential.
Here's what's going to happen: I'm going to be stressed out until I'm one glass in on the wine tasting we're going to tomorrow. Then I'm going to be like, "fuck it, it's the weekend." Then I'll push all the things I have to do into my inner anxiety bucket, where they will bubble up every once in awhile and I'll push them down with too many smores or glasses of wine or camping junk food. Then Monday will come around and I'll start thinking I need to get back to work, but by that point my procrastination switch will be flipped and I'll have shoved the work ethic down too far, and I JUST WON'T WANT TO. It'll be a huge effort to pull myself back and make myself not be a bum. I'll dread it. I'll agonize over it way more than the actual work warrants – the kind of thing where you stress out for 4 hours about a project that ends up taking you 45 minutes. So Tuesday morning will come around and I'll waste it watching episodes of New Girl, then I'll spaz out about all the stuff I have to get done and shove it into the hours of 1am - 6am the night before it's due.
I'm beginning to realize that structure and discipline are like exercise – something I hate but that's good for my overall mental health and life.
Anyway. I'd like to learn how to live more in the moment and be less anxious about to do lists.
I've started using this app called Five Minute Journal. Every morning it has me fill out the following:
And then at night you tell it "3 Amazing things that happened today" and "How could I have made today even better?" I've been doing it for three days, and so far these are my answers for that last one:
"How could I have made today even better?"
Monday: "Not gone overboard on eating"
Tuesday: "Not eaten the rest of the cookies"
Wednesday: "Gotten more work done."
Lolz. I'd like to think a little more big picture, maybe.
On Tuesday night I tried to clean up, thinking it'd be a productive way to get my 10,000 steps for the day. But by Wednesday night it was messy again, so what's the point?
I've gotten a lot done this week, both for clients and for myself (cleaning the printer heads on the O&C printer, picking up a card order, buying supplies for camping this weekend, laundry, going to yoga class, putting away all the clothes that were piled on the guest room bed, cleaning the guest bathroom for Clyde's dog sitter), but now on a Thursday afternoon it doesn't feel like enough. Productivity when you work for yourself is a tricky thing. When you go to an office, you end up feeling like you're doing your job just by showing up. You might spend the day in meetings that go nowhere, you might waste an hour talking about your weekend with your coworker, but it doesn't matter, cause you were there, and you got your paycheck.
When you're working for yourself, it's only the finished product that matters. I want to cross these consulting projects off my list, but they're big, complicated things, and they just aren't going to happen quickly. But you can't charge until they're done. I wanted to be in a place where I could relax this Memorial Day weekend while we're camping, but I'm not sure it's going to happen, what with Clyde with a new dog sitter and four big consulting things happening next week. I like to think I'm good at multi-tasking, good at handling stress, good at managing different projects – and I'm am – but sometimes you just get tired. Do I sound like I'm complaining too much? I really am pretty happy with my life, minus the fact that I never feel like I'm living up to my own potential.
Here's what's going to happen: I'm going to be stressed out until I'm one glass in on the wine tasting we're going to tomorrow. Then I'm going to be like, "fuck it, it's the weekend." Then I'll push all the things I have to do into my inner anxiety bucket, where they will bubble up every once in awhile and I'll push them down with too many smores or glasses of wine or camping junk food. Then Monday will come around and I'll start thinking I need to get back to work, but by that point my procrastination switch will be flipped and I'll have shoved the work ethic down too far, and I JUST WON'T WANT TO. It'll be a huge effort to pull myself back and make myself not be a bum. I'll dread it. I'll agonize over it way more than the actual work warrants – the kind of thing where you stress out for 4 hours about a project that ends up taking you 45 minutes. So Tuesday morning will come around and I'll waste it watching episodes of New Girl, then I'll spaz out about all the stuff I have to get done and shove it into the hours of 1am - 6am the night before it's due.
I'm beginning to realize that structure and discipline are like exercise – something I hate but that's good for my overall mental health and life.
Anyway. I'd like to learn how to live more in the moment and be less anxious about to do lists.
I've started using this app called Five Minute Journal. Every morning it has me fill out the following:
And then at night you tell it "3 Amazing things that happened today" and "How could I have made today even better?" I've been doing it for three days, and so far these are my answers for that last one:
"How could I have made today even better?"
Monday: "Not gone overboard on eating"
Tuesday: "Not eaten the rest of the cookies"
Wednesday: "Gotten more work done."
Lolz. I'd like to think a little more big picture, maybe.