Last Day of Vacation

AHHHHH. I MADE IT TO AUGUST. Finally.

Now I am only a week behind on posts. Totally manageable.

My replacement Fitbit clip came today. Remember my fascinating case number post that I wrote seven days / thirty minutes ago?

I'm not sure why they needed a huge box for that tiny rubber thing, but I'm happy to have a whole Fitbit again. 

I realize that my Fitbit is not that interesting, so I'm going to finish this with something I wrote while on vacation. I didn't finish it, but I'll finish it now...

***

On the last day of vacation you try not to count the hours – 24 hours left…18 hours left...10 hours left…one more swim…one more dinner… one more time to fall asleep reading in the sunroom, the night breeze covering your skin. But part of you counts, and part of you is sad. No, no, you say to yourself. Don’t think about it. Just enjoy it. The last ice cream sundae, the last evening walk.

I feel different on long vacations. I turn into someone else, someone who thinks about search engines and conversion rates and cringes a bit in distaste, though a week before I remember thinking how fun it was to do what I do for a living. Out here in the mountains I can see how different my life could be – slower, more thoughtful, more pleasant. Less stressful, less anxiety-ridden. Quieter. I could let the light wake me each morning, eat my breakfast on the deck with the dog at my feet. I could walk along the road and pay attention to how the sun filters through tree leaves and how water smells on rocks. Maybe I'd learn to plant things. Maybe I'd paint. I'd definitely write, wouldn't I? 

But then I end up going back to work, and getting back into the pattern of days and meetings and long commutes, and though it may take a week or two, soon I remember the satisfaction of solving a problem, the exhilaration of seeing a project go live. I remember the fun in a team brainstorm, and the weird, giddy fascination I have with successfully using vlookups. It's fun leading a team and having an impact on a company. It's fun having answers. 

It's a different life and a different Haley. I don't know which one is real or right, or if both of them are. Maybe we all have an infinite number of versions of ourselves, just waiting for a different situation.