Feminism
(Day Thirty-Five)
My dog and I are both watching what we eat right now -- he was told he was overweight today at his vet visit, so as you might expect, he's dealing with some self-esteem issues. Me, I'm just in the midst of my eternal and futile battle to control my cookie urges.
So as I'm sitting here writing and chomping carrots I'm occasionally passing one over to him, too. Clyde loves carrots.
Today was my future sister-in-law's bridal shower. It was a very nice shower -- well put together, and the games were fun instead of painful (which some shower games can be) -- but for some reason I always feel slightly uncomfortable at showers. I'm not sure exactly what it is. There's just such a heavy air of female tradition. I love the women in my family, and I do enjoy getting a chance to spend time with them without the men around, but I think showers make me feel uncomfortable because they're still so centered around traditional views of women. The men are off doing their own thing while all the women get together, exclaim over pot holders and kitchen utensils, and give marriage advice. It feels patronizing.
You're probably thinking, "Calm down, Haley, it's just a way to wish the bride well." Yes, it is. And it's nice to celebrate those occasions. I want to wish the bride well. It just feels a little antiquated. The groom is embarking on this "marriage journey" (barf) as well -- does he not need marriage advice or have any involvement in starting a household? Because I'm a woman, I'm supposed to get excited about kitchen towels. I just find that a little insulting.
I know, I know. The majority of people have no problem with showers and I have a stick up my butt.
It makes me think about something else that happened this week -- one of my coworkers was talking about Frozen, and she said, almost apologetically, "I know it's a little feminist, but I really liked that it was the girl who saved the day at the end."
First of all, "feminism" is not a bad word. Feminism just means you think women should have equal rights. That's not a bad thing. It doesn't mean you hate men or think women are better. It doesn't even mean that you disregard the biological differences between men and women -- i.e. that men are often physically stronger. But it does mean that you think women should have the same opportunities to prove themselves, work hard, and succeed.
I remember being in the garage with my grandpa and brother once when I was maybe 16, and they were working on building something. I was watching, secretly wanting to join in, and I made some kind of comment about what they were doing. They ignored me, like I wasn't even there. That was one of the first times in my life that I really got it -- I'm a girl, and I'm not supposed to like this stuff. They do not see me as a person who would be interested in this stuff. My opinion does not matter here.
That's not my grandpa and brother's fault. They're not deliberately keeping me from anything -- they probably were just bonding over something they saw as their own thing and didn't really think about me. They've always supported me in whatever I do, and if I said, "Guys, I want to learn how to build stuff," they would have let me join them. But I felt like it was something I shouldn't do, something I wouldn't be good at because I was a girl.
There's nothing I hate more than someone telling me I can't do something, whether it's something I want to do or not. Then the second thing I hate most is people expecting me to behave a certain way. So add all that together, and that's probably why I call myself a feminist. And I don't think that's a bad thing. I think everyone, male or female, should be able to do whatever they want to do with their life.
I remember hearing Gloria Steinem speak when I was an undergrad at Ball State, and one of the points that stuck with me was when she said (paraphrasing), "Feminism is for men, too. It's not fair that men have to always assume all the pressure and responsibility for financial stability. And it's not fair that they're expected to spend less time with their children. Everyone should be able to construct the life they want to live."
So, yeah. I'm getting off topic here. I'm not sure what my point is anymore, but now I'm fired up on feminism.
My dog and I are both watching what we eat right now -- he was told he was overweight today at his vet visit, so as you might expect, he's dealing with some self-esteem issues. Me, I'm just in the midst of my eternal and futile battle to control my cookie urges.
So as I'm sitting here writing and chomping carrots I'm occasionally passing one over to him, too. Clyde loves carrots.
Today was my future sister-in-law's bridal shower. It was a very nice shower -- well put together, and the games were fun instead of painful (which some shower games can be) -- but for some reason I always feel slightly uncomfortable at showers. I'm not sure exactly what it is. There's just such a heavy air of female tradition. I love the women in my family, and I do enjoy getting a chance to spend time with them without the men around, but I think showers make me feel uncomfortable because they're still so centered around traditional views of women. The men are off doing their own thing while all the women get together, exclaim over pot holders and kitchen utensils, and give marriage advice. It feels patronizing.
You're probably thinking, "Calm down, Haley, it's just a way to wish the bride well." Yes, it is. And it's nice to celebrate those occasions. I want to wish the bride well. It just feels a little antiquated. The groom is embarking on this "marriage journey" (barf) as well -- does he not need marriage advice or have any involvement in starting a household? Because I'm a woman, I'm supposed to get excited about kitchen towels. I just find that a little insulting.
I know, I know. The majority of people have no problem with showers and I have a stick up my butt.
It makes me think about something else that happened this week -- one of my coworkers was talking about Frozen, and she said, almost apologetically, "I know it's a little feminist, but I really liked that it was the girl who saved the day at the end."
First of all, "feminism" is not a bad word. Feminism just means you think women should have equal rights. That's not a bad thing. It doesn't mean you hate men or think women are better. It doesn't even mean that you disregard the biological differences between men and women -- i.e. that men are often physically stronger. But it does mean that you think women should have the same opportunities to prove themselves, work hard, and succeed.
I remember being in the garage with my grandpa and brother once when I was maybe 16, and they were working on building something. I was watching, secretly wanting to join in, and I made some kind of comment about what they were doing. They ignored me, like I wasn't even there. That was one of the first times in my life that I really got it -- I'm a girl, and I'm not supposed to like this stuff. They do not see me as a person who would be interested in this stuff. My opinion does not matter here.
That's not my grandpa and brother's fault. They're not deliberately keeping me from anything -- they probably were just bonding over something they saw as their own thing and didn't really think about me. They've always supported me in whatever I do, and if I said, "Guys, I want to learn how to build stuff," they would have let me join them. But I felt like it was something I shouldn't do, something I wouldn't be good at because I was a girl.
There's nothing I hate more than someone telling me I can't do something, whether it's something I want to do or not. Then the second thing I hate most is people expecting me to behave a certain way. So add all that together, and that's probably why I call myself a feminist. And I don't think that's a bad thing. I think everyone, male or female, should be able to do whatever they want to do with their life.
I remember hearing Gloria Steinem speak when I was an undergrad at Ball State, and one of the points that stuck with me was when she said (paraphrasing), "Feminism is for men, too. It's not fair that men have to always assume all the pressure and responsibility for financial stability. And it's not fair that they're expected to spend less time with their children. Everyone should be able to construct the life they want to live."
So, yeah. I'm getting off topic here. I'm not sure what my point is anymore, but now I'm fired up on feminism.